Most of us go through life with a lot of acquaintances. People we know in different areas of our life. Some we call friends. A friend is someone you know and have a common bond with. There is mutual affection between the two. Just like anything else in life, there are good and bad friends. For over 20 years, my husband and I have worked with and taught teens in our churches. One of the traits of a teen is their desire for close friends. They want a “best” friend. In an effort to get them to think and choose friends wisely, we gave them a definition that would help them to determine a true friend. A true friend is someone who wants what is best for you. The best for you is Jesus, therefore this person should be helping you to be more like Christ. The person who would lead you to do something wrong or sympathize with you when you do wrong rather than lead you to repentance is not a true friend.
Today, we will look at some of the qualities of a friendship that sets a good example for us to follow. This friendship is between David and Jonathan. We see their friendship woven throughout the book of I Samuel, beginning in chapter 18:1, where David reports to Saul, Jonathan’s father, about his victory against Goliath.
True friendship must have a common bond. Jonathan and David were willing to lay their lives down to defend God and his people. In I Samuel chapter 14, Jonathan defended Israel against a garrison of Philistines with only his armor-bearer. They were successful in their quest. In I Samuel 18:1, Jonathan was present to hear about David’s bravery in defending God’s people and the honor of God. He immediately felt a kindred spirit with David. He loved David as he loved himself. They both had the Holy Spirit dwelling within them. This was their common bond. From this time onward, they were best friends.
I Samuel 18:1 “And it came to pass, when he had made an end of speaking unto Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.”
True friendship will require self-sacrifice. Their paths in life were different. Jonathan, the son of a king, and David, the youngest of a common man who owned sheep. Yet, their wealth or status in life did not change their friendship because their desire to live pleasing God was the same. I sometimes think we overlook Jonathan’s self-sacrifice. In this relationship, Jonathan gave up the throne and all that came with it. In verse 4, we see Jonathan taking off his robe, sword, bow, and girdle to give them to David. Jonathan’s new friend had shown himself to be a warrior, and Jonathan replaced his shepherd’s clothing with his own.
I Samuel 18:3-4 “Then Jonathan and David made a covenant because he loved him as his own soul. And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was upon him, and gave it to David, and his garments, even to his sword, and to his bow, and to his girdle.”
Another necessary quality in a true friendship is loyalty. In I Samuel chapter 19, we find Saul jealous of David. He has tried to kill David before, and he has placed him in danger before, hoping he would be killed. Now, Saul informs Jonathan and his servants to kill David. Jonathan is heartbroken that his own father would feel this way about someone who had been loyal. He had saved the people and the king from the enemy. Jonathan tells David of the matter. He tells him to hide, and he will speak to his father and relay the message to him. Johnathan reminds his dad of the loyal servant he has in David, and Saul listens. Saul swears that he will not kill David. This gave peace for a time, but Saul never stops trying to kill David. Jonathan’s friendship with David costs him the throne and a relationship with his father, but Jonathan is committed to doing what is right. He was loyal to the end. How does a young man give up so much for a friend? Because, more than anything, he loved God. When God is loved supremely, it is natural to love those who also love Him supremely.
I Samuel 19:4-6 “And Jonathan spake good of David unto Saul his father, and said unto him, Let not the king sin against his servant, against David; because he hath not sinned against thee, and because his works have been to thee-ward very good: For he did put his life in his hand, and slew the Philistine, and the LORD wrought a great salvation for all Israel: thou sawest it, and didst rejoice: wherefore then wilt thou sin against innocent blood, to slay David without a cause? And Saul hearkened unto the voice of Jonathan: and Saul swore, As the LORD liveth, he shall not be slain.
As you read through chapter 20 of I Samuel, you will see the hearts of David and Jonathan poured out on one another as they must part. Their story unfolds as Jonathan discovers his father is determined to kill David. They meet and weep over having to go separate ways. However, they remind each other of the covenant they made to each other. They are determined to care for one another’s families if something happens to the other one. Their commitment is for life, and it is genuine.
I Samuel 20:42 “And Jonathan said to David, Go in peace, forasmuch as we have sworn both of us in the name of the LORD, saying, The LORD be between me and thee, and between my seed and thy seed forever. And he arose and departed: and Jonathan went into the city.”
What are the characteristics of your friendships? Do you love sacrificially? Is the base of your relationship Jesus Christ? Are you loyal to your friends? Are you committed until the end to be the best friend you can be? Is your friend helping you to be more like Christ, and are you seeking to do the same for them?
