How to love your children is the area of Titus 2:4 we will deal with today. While it may seem strange that older women are to teach younger women how to love their husbands, it seems even stranger that women of any age need to be taught how to love their children. After all, these beautiful babies lived inside of us for 9 months. They were a part of us, an extension of who we are, an opportunity to live out our lives through them. How could you not love your children?
Titus 2:4 “That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,”
We know that many don’t love their children. That is why child abuse is rampant, abortion is common, and the neglect of basic needs is prevalent. While I don’t doubt that the majority of people reading this love their children, I do doubt that they love them the way God intended.
What are some biblical ways we love? We must remember that godly love is sacrificial. Moms, you begin by sacrificing your body. Having a child changes your body in ways you never thought possible, but real love forgets about that and is happy to experience these changes for the love of a child. You will also need to sacrifice your time, money, energy, and many times your ambition for the sake of a child. However, when you love the way God loves the sacrifices become opportunities to extend yourself to mold this child into what God designed him or her to be. God himself gave us the pattern of sacrifice when He gave His Son so that we could become His children. He loved therefore He gave.
John 3:16 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”
Loving your children properly means you do what is best for them. Many parents love their children, but to the child’s detriment, they love them foolishly. The child rarely hears the word no, and when they do it doesn’t mean anything. When the child pushes back at the word no, the parent changes it to “maybe,” and then “yes.” The parent-child relationship becomes a series of negotiations. I can assure you that God does not negotiate with us. He has given us the pattern to live by in His word and He expects us to follow. When we do follow, it is evidence of our love for Him. The same is true for the parent-child relationship. In John 14:15, Jesus teaches us that if we love Him, we will do what He has commanded.
John 14:15 “If ye love me, keep my commandments.”
When children are taught to obey, we are making it easier for them to obey God as an adult. Do we always understand what God is doing in our lives? Do His ways always make sense to us? For instance, what about loving our enemies? Is that an easy-to-understand or implement command? I think all would say no to that question, but God still expects us to do it His way. He expects us to trust Him and follow what He has taught. Many times, I have obeyed not understanding the why, or how the outcome could be best for me, but in time God revealed to me what He wanted me to know. We must teach our children to trust us and obey.
When a child is young sometimes it will be forced obedience until it becomes obedience out of love and respect. When we do this we are building trust with our children because we are being true to our word when we tell them to do something and make sure they do it. I remember well a situation where this happened with a friend’s child and my husband. The child wanted a piece of gum or candy and after he opened it, he threw the wrapper down in the church. My husband kindly told him to pick up the paper and put it in the trash. After a couple of times giving this instruction to a child that clearly did not intend to obey, my husband walked over, took the child’s hand, placed it down on the paper, and closed it up on the paper. Then together they proceeded to walk to the trash can and deposit the trash. This child never did that again. We were privileged to teach this child in the youth group, and He was always obedient to us. Why, because he knew my husband meant what he said and that we loved him enough to require his obedience. This is how we should be in all areas of obedience with our children. When commands are given, they are expected to be followed.
God has commanded us to train our children. Training involves educating by showing the correct way to do things. Training them to obey is also a process.
Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
- We need to train them to obey immediately. Imagine there was a dangerous situation about to happen. Your child was about to run in the path of an oncoming car to retrieve a ball. You yell to stop, but because he is accustomed to doing what he wants, or waiting for you to say it again, he continues to run. The result of disobedience could be the end of his life.
- Next, teach them to obey completely. God never accepts or rewards jobs half done. To halfway obey is disobedience.
- We must teach to obey with the right attitude. When we obey with an attitude of defiance or “I’m only doing this because I have to,” our attitude is selfish and rebellious. Jonah was a good example of obeying with the wrong attitude. When he preached and the people were saved, he complained because he knew God would save the people if he obeyed God. What a horribly selfish, prideful attitude to have, especially with the God who saved his life. When we love biblically, it will be a joy to obey the one we love.
Jonah 4:1-2 “But it displeased Jonah exceedingly, and he was very angry. And he prayed unto the LORD, and said, I pray thee, O LORD, was not this my saying when I was yet in my country? Therefore I fled before unto Tarshish: for I knew that thou art a gracious God, and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness, and repentest thee of the evil.”
Many adults suffer greatly from decisions made against the teaching of the Bible because they never learned to properly obey. When we love them wisely, we will disciple them for wrong behavior. This is true love when you take the time to teach and train your child the way God instructs us to. Our goal as parents is to guide our children to a saving faith in Jesus Christ. We need to be an example of obedience to them that will guide them to maturity. It is one of the most important callings. Proper love of our children can advance the Kingdom, but foolish love leaves them wide open to seek their own ways and allows Satan a foothold in their lives.
