These are words we are taught to say often as a child. I remember making my two boys say this to one another. Most of the time it was a mere formality on their part. I soon realized the process of saying I’m sorry was not enough. They were saying the words, but there was no change of heart involved. Then I added another element to their apology, I made them hug necks. You probably know how that went. They would reluctantly put their arms around one another with a quick hug. Still, that was not the result I was looking for. I wanted to see genuine sorrow for their actions. I would talk to them and make them be kind to one another, but it didn’t change their heart.
I finally realized the missing element. They were not taking ownership of their actions! It was obedience to me, not repentance toward God. In Mark 1:4 and Luke 3:3, there must be repentance if sins are to be remitted. I was training them to go through the motions of doing what is right, but they were still missing the mark of doing what was right.
The next step involved helping them understand what sin was, and how they had sinned against God. At this point, Ron or I would give them a verse to read or memorize that fit the crime. Most of the time that took care of the problem.
It was years later when teaching children in a Wednesday night class that it hit me, no ownership meant no responsibility, therefore no change! It was like a light bulb had gone off in my head. I begin to take a different approach. I traced episodes of apologies in my mind. I soon discovered a reoccurring action. The kids would look at each other and say “sorry,” and it was over.
Most of the children I taught on Wednesday night were children we picked up on a bus. I loved those kids dearly and wanted so much for them to be saved. Most were from homes where the only time they heard God’s name was in vain. The word sorry meant, “get me out of this situation so that I’m not punished.”
I changed my method. When one child did something against another, I would have them stand in front of the child they had hurt and say, “I am sorry.” This brought ownership to the person doing the injustice. Then, I would have them say “will you forgive me?” This was an admission that they not only had done another person wrong but their wrong needed forgiveness. It implied that what they had done was a sin, not just an “uh oh” episode. We have a bad habit in our society of knowing we have done wrong, saying we are sorry, and then making an excuse to justify our behavior. We must teach to acknowledge our wrongs and seek forgiveness.
I begin to see a change in the behavior of the children. By the time they had finished the process, there was a connection with the one they had offended. I also noticed the kids that didn’t like each other stayed away from each other because they didn’t want to go through that process with someone they didn’t like! In this case, their spiritual life wasn’t helped, but it sure helped the class. It also removed distractions from the class, making it more conducive for the Holy Spirit to work.
I understand most of the time this method didn’t lead to true repentance, and that is the goal. However, it was a step in getting them to see they had truly violated God’s commands, and they were responsible to God for those actions. No excuse was accepted for the wrong inflicted. I pray I succeeded in teaching them confession, repentance, and forgiveness.
Unfortunately, this is not just a problem with children. It seems to plague our population. There are no shortcuts to pleasing God and being truly forgiven. It is a lesson all of us need to heed. It is essential to pleasing God and being in the right standing with him.
I John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
