In society, as a whole, a forgiving spirit is rarely seen in its totality. Friends will say things, knowing it will offend or hurt the other person, and act as if it’s no big deal. The attitude of jesting is used to make a point instead of talking to the person in a serious manner. I’ve watched as friends tease or joke with someone they called friends until they brought them to the point of tears. Then, in a lite manner, the offender would say they were only joking. The offender would say, in a lite manner, I’m sorry, while the offended, after being embarrassed, would say it’s ok. Words can be helpful or hurtful, depending on how we use them. True forgiveness was not extended or received in this situation. A forgiving spirit is something we must cultivate if our friendships are to be godly and valuable to both sides.
We should be able to talk to our friends and be open and honest. It may be painful for both sides, but godly rebuke is biblical. Proverbs 27:5-6 speaks to the love of a friend and the subject of rebuke. Matthew Henry explains it this way, “Faithful are the reproofs of a friend, though for the present they are painful as wounds. It is a sign that our friends are faithful indeed if, in love with our souls, they will not permit sin upon us, nor let us alone in it. The physician’s care is to cure the patient’s disease, not to please his patient.” When we truly love someone, we will be able to give and receive reproof without hurtful feelings. Because of our selfish sinful nature, we may feel hurt for the moment, but true love gains control and accepts the truth. A forgiving spirit takes over and instruction is received and applied.
Proverbs 27:5-6 “Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.”
As you seek to know one another better, you must trust that God is working in your relationship, so that both of you grow in your love for one another and God. Trust and pray that God’s knowledge and grace will be infused in your relationship and guide you.
Psalm 62:8 “Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us. Selah.”
If we are to exhibit a forgiving spirit in our friendships, we must train ourselves to overlook offenses, assuming the best about our friend rather than the worst. When we handle offenses in this manner, we are trusting God to take control. If their intent was to be hurtful, allow Him to bring it to their mind. When we dwell on hurtful words and try to fix them ourselves, we only get in God’s way. Proverbs 19:11 teaches us to be slow to anger. In other words, think it through before you say something you will regret. Don’t be hasty to judge the actions and words of a friend. Much damage has been done to friendships because of quick and hasty words. A godly friend will not selfishly seek to retaliate, but will overlook the offense. Proverbs 19:11 teaches us that it is a great credit or glory to overlook the offense when possible.
Proverbs 19:11 “Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.”
A forgiving spirit is always the best. It frees you from feelings that may lead to wrong actions. It frees you from allowing hurt to advance to anger which can be sinful. Most of all it is a response that shows we are truly a disciple of Jesus. It is a true act of love to have a forgiving spirit. It was demonstrated to us by God himself.
John 13:35 “By this, all people will know that you are my disciples if you have love for one another.”
John 3:16 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.”
