The act of forgiving is giving up resentment or anger to the one that has offended you. It is an act we all want to receive, but we are hesitant to give. It is at the core of our emotional wellbeing. An unforgiving spirit will result in anger and bitterness that will not only damage your relationship with God but with others. There are many advantages to being forgiving and many disadvantages to being unforgiving.
The greatest advantage of forgiving others is that we will be forgiven. It will benefit us spiritually. It is an act of obedience. If we do not forgive others God will not forgive us! Being in a right relationship with God gives us hope, peace, and joy. These feelings are greatly diminished when we are living in disobedience to His word.
Matthew 6:14-15 “For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”
In the physical and mental realm, it can have negative effects. When we harbor anger and resentment there are certain chemicals in the body that are released. When too much is released it can damage us both mentally and physically. The Mayo Clinic reports that forgiveness brings improved relationships, decreased anxiety and stress, lower blood pressure, lower risk of depression, a stronger immune system, and heart health. It appears that being a forgiving person is a win, win, position to be in!
Those who are Christians, have the model of true forgiveness in Jesus Christ. Christians have already experienced the greatest forgiveness possible. God, because of His holiness could not allow sin into Heaven, but he loved mankind to the utmost. Therefore, because he is just and holy he could not allow his love to extend pardon without sin being paid. Jesus did that for us on the cross. Now, all who will accept Jesus by faith will receive that payment on their account. None of us ever went that far to forgive someone. However, true forgiveness extends that same idea of payment to the offender. Because Christ forgave me I can forgive you!
We must admit that because of our own imperfect condition we have no right to withhold forgiveness from anyone else.
A friendship built on the principles of God’s word will stand the test of time. Each time you overcome an obstacle in the relationship, the relationship grows stronger. When you forgive someone, you are releasing them, and you are releasing the feelings that can damage your soul. No relationship is perfect and unless you want shallow meaningless relationships you must persevere through difficult situations.
Colossians 3:12-13 “Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.”
Colossians 3:12-13 gives us a command on how to treat others, and one of those is to be forgiving. The word that caught my attention is at the very beginning. It tells us to “put on” these things. If we must put them on, that tells me it is not something that we are naturally born with. We must choose to have these attitudes in our life.
The Bible makes it clear friendship is vital to our well being and to our effectiveness as a Christian. However, many never allow themselves the opportunity to have great friendships, because they do not want to be that vulnerable before anyone else. These people will miss some of the best relationships in life. They will never know what it is like to give and receive unconditional love.
Because of insecurities, many don’t forgive for fear of losing leverage in a relationship. They assume if they forgive and forget they will be hurt again, and that may happen. Some won’t forgive because they feel that forgiving is condoning behavior that is wrong. To forgive is not to say that what you did is okay, but it is saying that I love you with Christlike love. When we forgive a person that has not ask for forgiveness we are transferring them from our system of justice to God’s. God is just, and he will issue the consequences not me. This is the ultimate love for a friend because it places them in a position where you are out of the way and God can move in.
You will never know what real friendship feels like, or the depths of love that you can have for another human being until you learn to forgive. How can we be Christ-like if we hold grudges? Sometimes it is very hard to be this kind of friend, but this is the kind of friend God is and has been to us! Remember a real friend is someone who wants what is best for you and what is best is help you to be like Christ.
