For 17 years my husband and I were the youth leaders at our church in Virginia. We loved working with them and watching them develop into young men and women for Christ. One of the characteristics of teens is that their friends have a huge influence on them. Therefore, we taught them what a true friend should be. A true friend is someone who always wants what is best for you. They are sincere and they understand that what is best for you is to be like Jesus. Therefore, this person will encourage you to always do what is right and good according to God’s word. The teens we were ministering to found out that most of the people they called “friends,” were nothing more than acquaintances.
The Bible gives us good and bad examples of friends. One verse on friendship that is easy to remember but chocked full of wisdom is Proverbs 17:7.
Proverbs 17:7 “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”
A friend that loves always is hard to find. A Pastor friend of ours frequently used the phrase, “all means all, and that’s all, all means.” We would all chuckle a little when he would say this, but as simple as it is, it is also a bit profound. Therefore, a true friend will continue to love no matter what the circumstances. With Proverbs 17:7 God created an ideal characteristic by which to gauge our friendship.
A characteristic of genuine friendship is there will be bonding and growth toward one another. A friend, in many ways, is a reflection of ourselves. Proverbs 27:19 “As in water face answereth to face, so the heart of man to man.” When you look in a pool of water you see your reflection. When you look at the heart of your dearest friend you will also see a reflection of yourself. You will discover your similarities and you will take note of your differences. There may be things in our own hearts that we don’t detect until we see them in our friends. With a true friend, we find our capacity for sympathy and tenderness. These are characteristics that remain uncovered until the time arises that we need them. We find ourselves showing great empathy when the heart of a friend is hurting. In some measure, we feel what they are feeling. True friendship is bound up in a sustaining love. A love that tells you the truth. If you have a friend that is honest with you and offers constructive criticism that helps you to improve your walk with Christ, you are truly blessed.
Proverbs 27:17 “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.”
When sharpening a blade of a knife, or a sword, one pulls it with an even hand against a sharpening iron or stone. Just the right amount of pressure must be used to bring the blade to a luster that reveals a very fine, but sharp edge. As you are pulling the blade, you are actually pulling away tiny bits of the blade that hinders the sharpness of the blade. For a blade to stay sharp this process must be repeated often. So, it is with a true friend. We must be persistent over time to give and receive constructive growth advice and apply it to our lives.
This kind of love is a love that demonstrates true friendship and it was first demonstrated by Jesus. When he gave his own life for us, he showed the ultimate love for another. The following verses give us the pattern for ultimate friendship!
John 15:12-15 “This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you. Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you. Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you.”
Do you have such a friend that you can trust to love you enough to tell you the truth? Do you love them enough to ask them to be honest with you? Are you the right kind of friend? Do you love at all times, or are you hot and cold with your friendship? These are questions we need to ask ourselves. We will never grow in our friendship with others until we tackle our real selves with Jesus as our guide.
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