Have you ever seen a couple that just seemed perfect for each other? I firmly believe when we follow God’s plan for our lives, and if His intent is for us to be married, He has the one picked out that is perfect for us. When two people love each other more than they love themselves, they become one. Where one has a weakness, it is the other one’s strength.
In our passage today, Paul teaches about the relationship between the husband and wife. So many women look at Colossians 3:18 and immediately become defensive, but that’s because they don’t understand what God was trying to teach us. Many men have also misunderstood it. This verse was written to the wife, not the man. He is not to seek to make her submissive. Submission must be totally voluntary. Some men have treated their wives as if they were objects to rule, not people to love and give their own lives to.
Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;”
Throughout the Bible, the wife is to be submissive to her husband. Submission does not mean you are not equal as a person. In God’s eyes, we are valued as people He loves and as individuals who cost Him the life of His Son. Women do not own submission; it is a word that all Christians should embrace as servants of Christ. It is not a reproach on anyone to be submissive. After all, Jesus submitted to the will of His Father. He delighted in pleasing the Father, and it was voluntary on His part. Jesus is equal to God, and submitting did not change or threaten it. Submitting is literally putting ourselves under someone. It is totally a voluntary act. Paul tells us in verse 8 it is “fit in the Lord.” That means it is proper and right.
In any relationship, there is a need to support one another, and we are to support our husbands. God’s design is for the husband to be the head of the family. He shoulders the ultimate responsibility for what goes on in the home. Nothing works right when there are two heads, sooner or later one must give way to the other. Think about it: when you build a house, there must be a roof. It is the part that covers and protects from the rain and elements of the world, but without the walls to support and hold it up, it is useless. I know there are probably many men who would be impossible to be submissive to, they are harsh and domineering, that is why you better make sure the person you marry is the godly man God picked for you. When God gave Paul these words to pen, it was not a mistake on God’s part; it was given as a command. When we don’t do things God’s way, there will be chaos in the home. Please do not misunderstand this verse to mean you are to follow your husband even in things that are wrong, but in everything that is right, we are to submit and be the greatest cheerleader our husbands could ever have.
Colossians 3:18 “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.”
In the next verse, Paul speaks to the husbands and instructs them to “love their wives and not be bitter against them.” Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church. They are to cherish, respect, and be willing to die for them. When a man treats his wife as a treasured object, a precious item, it will be easy for a wife to submit.
Colossians 3:19 “Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.”
The word used for love in this verse is agape. That is God’s word for love. Being made in the image of God we have the capacity to love like this, but because of our sinful nature, it makes it difficult. It will not come naturally. This kind of love can only be expressed properly as Christ works through a person. It is selfless love, and it goes against our selfish nature. Again, as with the woman being submissive, it is a command, but it cannot be done just because it is a command. It must be voluntary for it to accomplish its purpose. The love that is demanded isn’t love at all. A man who loves his wife with agape love will find great joy in treating his wife this way. There will be a true feeling of satisfaction.
When both parties of a marriage fulfill these verses, you have a perfect couple. Divorce will not enter the picture because no one is thinking of their rights, but the needs and delights of the other supersede everything. I have had women tell me, “If I submit, he will take advantage of me,” or “When he loves me like Christ loves the church, then I’ll be able to submit.” This idea is wrong! It is full of selfishness and shows a total lack of trust in God!
Each of us is an individual before God, and in these verses, either a command to submit or a command to love selflessly, it is our responsibility to do what God has told us to do. You are not to determine your obedience by the obedience of another. You obey and let God do the rest. To think that it won’t work in your relationship is a total lack of trust in God. Don’t give up, and don’t take matters into your own hands. Do it God’s way, and no matter what happens, you will be at peace in your soul.
Below are some other verses that deal with the husband and wife relationship.
Ephesians 5:28 “So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.”
Ephesians 5:22-23 “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body.”
