This is a subject that has been greatly debated and excused throughout the years. Yet, we all know God has plenty to say about how we are to train our children. Some believe the biblical way is old fashioned, it doesn’t work, it doesn’t mean what it says, it is too hard, and I don’t agree. Yet, God’s word has the answer for everything. Why do we disagree with God on an area that is so important? Note: we should never disagree with God!
In Proverbs 22:6, we as parents are instructed to “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” To train is to initiate or educate, to disciple, to give elementary instructions, and we are to dedicate ourselves to molding our children in the way God has intended. Every child is different. They are individuals and each one has their God-given uniqueness that is to be used for Him. We are not to try to mold them all into the same personality, likes and dislikes, jobs, or hobbies that we like. When we are dedicated to teaching them God’s word and enforcing the commands of God in the home, we are teaching them self-discipline which will be needed to find God’s perfect will for their lives. There is a path that is especially fitted for each child’s individual character.
In the training of our children, we are not to provoke them to anger. I have seen many parents exasperate their children to the point of frustration. In Colossians 3:21 we see that provoking them brings discouragement to the child. They have a feeling of hopelessness when it comes to obeying you. Sometimes it happens because we have punished out of anger. Punishment should never happen because we are angry, but because it is right. In Ephesians 6:4 we do it because it is the Lord’s way. It will prepare them to obey God.
Colossians 3:21 “Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.”
Ephesians 6:4 “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
We should also not punish for accidents. Your correction is so that it doesn’t happen again, but if a child spills his milk the first time because it slipped or it was too close to his plate, you correct and explain how to avoid the spill. If he does it the second time and has disobeyed, then you punish him. Punishment should always be to change the child’s behavior.
When punishing a child, we need to ensure that the punishment is greater than the joy they receive when they disobey, otherwise, they will do it again. If they are angry when you finish you have not completed the punishment you will make them bitter, not better. We need to punish them until they are repentant. You are to punish them to break their will so it will conform to your will. Ultimately, we are training them to conform to God’s will. I was one of those strong-willed children that would feel justified in my actions and seek to stubbornly get through the punishment. My dad was a very wise man and would continue until I was sorry for what I did. At the time I did not understand why my punishment was more severe than my sister’s, but I do now. Dad was breaking my will. While we must break their will, we never want to break their spirit. Never slap or hit them in the face, and don’t punish in public or humiliate them. If you need to punish them in a store remove them from a public area, punish them, and return to your shopping. Don’t take them home, if you do you are allowing them to control the situation.
It is critical that parents agree on discipline. According to God’s word, it is ok to spank. One of the ways that God’s word says to discipline is to spake them. It is difficult to spank your own child. Society has labeled those who spake as child abusers, and in some cases that is true. However, the Bible teaches us to not spare the rod by holding back what is needed. This is not popular with most parents. However, the good thing about spanking is that if the punishment is administered, and done correctly, they will not want it again. Then it’s over. When God deals with us, and we repent, we are forgiven, and it’s done. He doesn’t hold it over our heads. However, the consequences that are natural will remain. A child will not brag about a spanking, but they will tell their friends about being grounded or something being taken away. In society today it’s almost a badge of independence when a child gets grounded. As if he’s a tough dude.
Proverbs 23:13-14 “Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Hell.”
Proverbs 29:17 “Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.”
Proverbs 22:15 “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.”
Proverbs 29:15 “The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.”
Proverbs 13:24 “Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.”
We are also to be consistent. Do not tell a child to do something if you are not going to follow through to ensure it’s done. If you tell him there will be certain consequences for their actions, follow through. To not do so is lying. We have not only sinned ourselves, but this inconsistency breeds disobedience. As always God the Father is our example, and we are preparing our children to be able to obey God. God is always consistent.
Our discipline must also be done with love. Make sure your child understands why he or she is being punished. After you administer the punishment, talk to your child and hold them. They need to understand you did it out of love to train them the way God says to.
Proverbs 3:12 “For the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.
Hebrews 12:11 “For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”
In conclusion, you may not agree with the biblical mandate but I can assure you God knows what He is doing. Pray about the discipline of your children and follow God’s way. There are multitudes of books and media to tell you how to teach your children to obey but only God knows each of us completely. Only He can give you the wisdom to know how and what to do. Their lives depend on it.
Parenting is a tough job but done right it holds the greatest blessings you could hope for. That would be your children living for God.
