We live in a society in America where everyone has an opinion on how to raise children. Let me say at the beginning, I do not consider myself an expert on this subject. However, there are some biblical principles that God has ordained and He is the expert. Some have the idea that freedom is what they need, that you will squelch their creativity if you tell them no. Others are so regimented there isn’t a moment not accounted for. The children are involved in every possible activity, to the point of exhaustion and frustration. All of this, so the child can be “well rounded.” Both parenting methods have an ounce of good, but a pound of wrong. Neither gets to the heart of what our children really need. It will do us good to go to the one who created children, to find out how to raise children.
In Colossians 3:20 we will see the command. Children obey. The command is straightforward. Children obey your parents in all things. In Ephesians 6:1-2, Proverbs 6:20,22, Deuteronomy 5:16, Matthew 19:19, Proverbs 1:8, and Exodus 20:12 all speak about children obeying and honoring their parents. There are many more verses that also address this issue. So, what does it mean to obey?
Colossians 3:20 “Children obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.”
Obedience needs to get to the heart. We need to be teaching and training so that the heart has a desire to obey. What are some basic principles of obedience that you need to teach your children?
- They are to obey the first time. It will do you, and your child well, to train them that they are to obey the first time you tell them to do something. When you tell your child over and over you are training them that it’s ok to disobey, until they get ready to obey. However, you need to take into consideration the age and ability of the child. For instance, it takes a two-year-old from 30 seconds to a minute for a command to sink in if he is thinking about something else. We must get their attention and know that they understand what we are asking them to do. We teach them first-time obedience so that when they get older they will obey God on his first command. If Jonah had obeyed God the first time God told him to go to Nineveh, he would not have spent 3 days in the belly of a whale. It is also best for their physical well-being. If they are about to run in front of a car, we can’t risk them waiting until the 3rd time we say “Stop!” Or if they were about to touch a hot stove, they need to know that when we said “don’t touch” they should immediately stop. Teaching first-time obedience could save their life. According to Dr. James Dobson, the prime years to teach this is between ages 3-5.
- A child needs to learn to obey completely. When God tells us to do something, he expects us to do it with all our might to bring glory to Him and do it as unto Him. When we are halfway do something, it is disrespectful to the one we are doing it for. When we allow our children to halfway do things we are teaching them that it’s more important to do what they want than what they are told. Sloppy children become sloppy adults. This character trait will follow them into their workplace and into their Christian lives. Our lives are to reflect our Savior Jesus Christ, and he never did anything halfway. How do you teach this? By not accepting anything less. I was not harsh about expecting my boys to keep their room clean, but when I ask for it to be done, I wanted it done right. Upon giving my youngest instructions to clean his room I proceeded to make a plan to get his attention. He knew what my expectations were, but continued to stuff things under the bed, in the closet, in drawers, etc. One evening he had a ballgame and we got home before he did. I went to his room and took everything out of the drawers, closet, all from under the bed, and piled it in the middle of his bed. When he came home he was greatly surprised and upset, at what he had to do before getting into bed. Needless to say, from then on it was done correctly. I had tried many other things before this, so if it seems extreme and cruel to you, note that sometimes we must go the extra mile for changes to happen. I got his attention!
- The next piece to the puzzle of obedience that we need to add is to teach them to obey sweetly, or with the right attitude. Obedience with the wrong attitude isn’t obedience at all it is mere compliance. Our attitude and our children’s attitude should be one that obeys out of love and respect. Our children need to learn they can control their attitudes. They will do that as you control yours and require it of them. It, like the other two principles’, of obedience will take time and a lot of effort. However, the reward will be great as they grow up. You will enjoy every phase of your children’s lives if they learn these principles at an early age.
Each of these principles will not only help your child to obey God. It will make everyone happier in the long run. Your child will learn how to yield his will to your will, and ultimately to God’s will. He will also reap positive benefits instead of negative ones when obeying correctly. Be sure to praise your child when they obey correctly. It is important that you show them how happy you are when they do right. Don’t constantly be rewarding them with things. When you reward with things they come to expect physical rewards, and soon they are not obeying with the right attitude, it is out of a selfish motive to gain something.
The ultimate reason for learning these principles is to honor God. You have been given the responsibility to train your children. It is your obedience that fosters their obedience. We obey because we love God. We love Him because He first loved us and gave His Son to die for our sins.
I John 4:19 “We love him because he first loved us.”
You may have children that already have bad habits when it comes to obedience. It is not too late to teach. First, you need to sit them down and ask them to forgive you for allowing them to be disobedient to you and ultimately to God. Explain what you expect in the future and extend some grace while you are training. Bad habits can be changed but it will take time. You need to be patient and loving but consistent. We must be diligent in training. We must be disciplined ourselves. Don’t give up the reward is out of this world for you and for them!
