Exodus 20:12 “Honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.”
The fifth commandment is the beginning of the commandments that is about our relationships to one another. The first four had to deal with our relationship with God. You may think this one is very simple but, not so fast. There is so much packed into these 22 words.
Before I delve into this beautiful command and promise from God, let me say that in the scope of the big picture a vast amount of you probably did not have godly parents. You may have been abused or just neglected in the areas of Christianity. However, this command is for all, and there are still ways to honor your parents.
First, you can love them through Christ. He loves them not for what they have done or not done but because they are his creations. They are a soul that Jesus died for, and a true Christian wants no one to suffer in hell. Second, pray for them. Third, forgive them. Forgiveness does not free them from the guilt of what they have done; it frees you from the oppression and bitter pain that can hurt them in other relationships. Fourth, ask God for help to show them real Christian love, and last; you can honor them by not repeating their pattern of parenting. You can break the chain. Remember, no matter what kind of parent you have on earth, you have a perfect heavenly father in heaven. He is real and ever-present.
As a child, I remember learning this verse in Sunday School. Mama Lawrence was a widow woman with 8-10 grown children. I can’t remember exactly how many she had, but she had buried two husbands and managed to raise these kids by herself. She was about 4’9” but held total control in the little Sunday School room behind the stage. We all loved her, and she loved us. Each week we would get a little Bible story picture card to take home with us. It would have the story a verse, and we were to get someone to help us learn it.
Each week, no matter what the lesson was, she would remind us, as we left the classroom, to “Honor our father and mother,” give us a stick of gum, and tell us she loved us. As a four-year-old little girl, I looked forward to going to her class each week. This was not the first time I had been told to obey, but it was the first time it was impressed upon me that it was a command from God.
After I married and had my own children, I was determined that my children understand the full meaning of this verse. I knew that if I trained them to obey me, God’s way, it would make it much easier for them to obey their heavenly father.
This commandment was also the first commandment with promise.
Ephesians 6:2 “Honor thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;)”
What was the promise?
Ephesians 6:3 “That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.”
Not just a promise, but a promise from God! I’ve had promises made to me that were never kept. Sometimes because it was an impossible situation and the person did the best they could. Sometimes it was because the person was not trustworthy. However, God was completely trustworthy and there is nothing impossible with Him. You can rest assured he will keep his promise but there are conditions for every promise.
When I teach young people I tell them, that God alone knows the number of days he intended on this earth for us. He intended for some to live 100 and others a few years. We don’t know what that is for us, but when we willfully disobey we are shortening whatever time was intended for us. You should see the look on some of the kids’ faces. Sheer shock!
So, what does it mean to honor them?
First, we must realize these are the people God gave us as parents. We did not choose them, and if they were our biological parents, they did not choose us. It was all of God’s grace. God designed the parent-child relationship to be one of the most vital of all human relationships. That may be the reason he gave the first promise with this one. These are the people we are to learn about life from. We should learn about God from them. It is the very first human relationship we have. God gives us much instruction in his word on the type of relationship we should have with them. In Proverbs 6:20-23 God tells us to pay attention to them. He uses the illustration of putting the instructions from them in our hearts, and to make sure we don’t lose them, we tie them around our necks.
I don’t believe we ever outgrow this command. I think it’s amazing how our relationship with our earthly father has a similar promise that we have with our heavenly father. He promises a long life here, if we honor our parents, and a long life in heaven if we honor our eternal Father. It is through our parents we have protection, discipline and guidance to grow to be responsible adults.
I believe this command goes beyond obedience. To obey, we need to do what we have been told, with the right attitude, immediately, and completely. As parents, it is our place to enforce this type of complete obedience. But, real honor is doing what you know your parents want you to do before they even tell you. It’s seeking to please them because of the respect, love, and gratitude you have for them.
Parents, our kids learn to honor us because we have been very consistent in who we are and what we believe. They see our lives and know if we are real. As they grow the respect they have for you will keep them from doing a lot of things that would not please you, If, you have taught them proper obedience. This will require a lot of time, patience, love and discipline!
This command is certainly not a simple suggestion from God! It is a very serious exhortation to all of us. Has your life honored your parents today, and are you training your children to honor you?
