If you live very long, you will experience the passing of a friend. People die at all ages, and it is often difficult to maneuver through the grief process if you are young. The first question we have when a young person dies is, “Why, they had their whole life ahead of them?” We seek to reason in a human way how much better life would be for everyone if they had lived. Our response is almost always a selfish one. We first must understand our thinking is not God’s thinking and faith in Him allows us to accept and move forward with hope. We find in scripture how God wants us to handle the death of a friend.
In Matthew 14:13, Jesus had just heard that John the Baptist was murdered by Herod the Tetrarch, and immediately He tried to get away from the crowd and went to a place of solitude. It was also a place of safety. Jesus knew that John was murdered because of his faith in Him. He had stood up and brought Herod and Herodias, his wife that had been his brother’s wife, face to face with their sin. Herodias hated John and waited until a time when Herod was vulnerable to request the head of John on a charger. Jesus loved John and was sad just as any of us would be if a friend were to die, especially if that friend died because of their love for us. However, that is exactly what our friend Jesus did for us.
Matthew 14:13 “When Jesus heard of it, he departed thence by ship into a desert place apart: and when the people had heard thereof, they followed him on foot out of the cities.”
Matthew 14:10-12 “And he sent, and beheaded John in the prison. And his head was brought in a charger, and given to the damsel: and she brought it to her mother. And his disciples came, and took up the body, and buried it, and went and told Jesus.”
We know that Jesus was touched by the death of His friends because of His reaction when Lazarus died. In John 11:35, when Jesus came to the place where Lazarus was laid, he wept. He saw his family sad and weeping, and it touched His heart. This showed Jesus as a tender friend, and it demonstrates His character as a man. Jesus the God-man could know the future for Lazarus and yet morn over the present. He knew and felt the pain of Mary and Martha. He knew the sting of death that Lazarus had felt as he succumbed to his illness. In Hebrews 4:15, Jesus, our High Priest, is touched by our feelings and our weaknesses. He not only sympathizes with us when we are hurt, but he can also empathize with us. He was tempted, persecuted, and suffered poverty. He was despised and rejected, he suffered physical pain, he sorrowed over Jerusalem as he felt their rejection and saw their deception, and He endured a horribly cruel death. He knows how we feel when we lose a friend or loved one.
Hebrews 4:15 “For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.”
Romans 12:15 “Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.”
When a friend dies, there is nothing more we can do for them. Their destiny is sealed at death. Nowhere in scripture are we taught that praying for them does any good. Contrary to what many believe there are only two options when we die. It is either Heaven or Hell. Hebrews 9:27 “And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment” If a friend dies in Jesus we sorrow because of our missing them, but we can also celebrate their life and be joyful they are no longer in pain and they are with Jesus. If we are Christians, we know that we will see them again and spend eternity with them.
When a friend dies it is proper to grieve, but we must not allow that grief to swallow us up and become our focus in life. We are left here to do a job and we must be busy about our Father’s business. When Jesus is done with us, He will take us to Heaven also. Our grief should be expressed with a submission to God. We don’t have to understand to accept God’s plan. It is ok to ask why for the sake of trying to understand, but it is not ok to ask why as if we have a right to know or think God has done us some disservice. Our grief should push us to Christ, and it will if we let it. We will find our peace and our solace in Him. Psalm 46:1-3 teaches us how we can handle painful, distressful, agonizing situations.
Psalm 46:1-3 “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof.”
