One of the happiest moments for most couples is when they find out they are going to have a baby. For some, it is a planned event they have been looking forward to for a long time, and finally, it happens. For others, it may come as a total surprise. No matter which way a couple finds out they are going to be parents, it changes everything. In the Christian world, not only do you realize you have a life to take care of physically, but you also face the humbling challenge of training a life for eternity. Our sacred job of parenting brings with it immense authority while requiring the heart of a servant. Every Christian mom and dad I have ever known has those moments where, in the quiet of the night, while lying awake praying, they ask God, “Am I doing this right?” Praise God, we are not in this alone. We don’t have to be perfect, which we can’t be, but we depend on the One who is perfect.
How should we view our jobs as parents? Are we molding our children to be just like us? I’m afraid we do a lot of that without even thinking. The world tells us that our children are an extension of ourselves. We tell ourselves we want more for them than we had. We want them to excel in the things we liked but were never good at, such as sports. We tend to want to relive our lives through them. However, they are not our second chances; they are a heritage of the Lord. In Psalm 127:3 teaches us “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.” A heritage is something someone places in your possession. God gives them to us, and we are temporary guardians. He has entrusted us with His most precious creation. He expects us to point them back to Him. We are a steward of our children and when we view them this way instead of owning them the pressure to mold them to be perfect children fades away. We understand our duty is to train them in the way the Master has laid out for us in scripture.
One of the greatest ways we train them is by what they see in us. We are to model the gospel for them. If you want them to see the value in attending church, you must show excitement. They should never see an attitude of “I have to go to church.” If you make excuses, such as being too tired to go to church, you are teaching them to make excuses for not attending. You are also teaching them to be led by their feelings.
If we want them to understand forgiveness, they must see us asking them for forgiveness when we lose our cool. If you want your children to value the word of God, they MUST see you studying and excited about getting in the word before other things happen. The Bible must be displayed in areas where they know you value it. Place it on your nightstand, the kitchen table, or wherever you normally would read. I know in the day we live in, most Christians have the Bible on their phone, but they need to see you reading the book. Kids associate a phone with games or social media. While you may be able to silence everything so you can concentrate, that is not what your kids will think. Our children are far more influenced by what we do than by what we say. If your actions don’t reflect what you say, you will have a negative effect instead of a positive one. Do you have scripture in your home? Such as framed verses or scripture-based books? Yesterday, on the “What” of training a child, I used the scriptures in Deuteronomy 6:1-7, but in verse 6:9 we are to “write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates.” In other words, teaching them about God and His importance in our lives is not just about sitting and reading and teaching; it also has to be an as-you-go teaching. It takes all of it to give them a high view of God and that He is real in our own lives.
Another aspect that seems to be forgotten is the ability to extend grace when they mess up. Too many times, kids feel they must be perfect to please us. Sometimes we act that way because we are concerned with how others view our faith when our children struggle. Many families have lost their children because grace has been replaced by the pursuit of perfection. Living by laws never changed a heart, but God’s grace does. If there is no room for grace in the home, our children will seek to hide their sins for fear of disappointment. Living this way will inadvertently teach them to subconsciously hide them from God. You have a grand opportunity to teach about grace when they struggle, because we have been there, too. By this, we show them that God’s love is not a reward for good behavior, but a gift despite our bad behavior. He loved us when we were His enemies!
Romans 5:8-10 “But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him. For if, when we were enemies, we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, being reconciled, we shall be saved by his life.”
Parenting, this most sacred job, can only be achieved through spending time in prayer. John teaches us in John 15:5 that apart from Him, we can do nothing. We cannot control their spiritual destiny. We cannot protect them from the pain they may face in life, but we can point them to one who can if we live it by example.
Now, as I say often, it is examination time. Are you seeking to reach your child’s heart or just control their behavior? We must correct and give them a minute, then pray with them. Always asks to make sure they understand why they are being disciplined. If you correct but do not connect the dots of what happened back to God, it will lead to rebellion. If you have done wrong, teach them by your example. Tell them you are sorry and ask for forgiveness. This alone will gain more respect than any discipline you can give. Most of all face this job of parenting by staying close to God.
I pray for those of you who will read this. You have a tall order from the Lord. Just remember, God will never command us to do something that He will not empower us to do.
